Bitter Sweet

Well everyone its been awhile. the best way to explain whats been going on is ''bitter sweet'' girl i loved. well and truely loved this time....didnt even doubt it....broke up with me so went on a week long booz binge which didnt help. put more effort in to trying to get her back than effort iv put into alot of things recently. Didnt go to well....havent got her back. still slightly heartbroke. and i dont think im gonna get over her for a long while. but.....id rather make her happy than carry on badgering her to get back with me. so were friends now =) and it hurts so much =( but....i just want her to be happy. haha ''i love you till the end'' by the pogues basically explains how i feel towards her.

Found a brilliant speech to sum everything up.

''There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.''

could of just posted that rather than anything else really =p mor dramatic. but oh well. Lets hope life takes an upwards turn again. this blogs very very upsy downsy.

Failure.

I dont feel good enough again......i feel again as if im not good enough for those around me. this isnt due to everyone else not being happy with who i am, im pretty sure alot of my friends love me, but i just dont feel good enough for them. Its bad, and cause its bad i feel worse, my girlfriend loves me, and i know she does, and that makes me feel wanted but i still just dont feel good enough for those around me and her. its an annoying feeling. i dont know what'll ever make me feel happy with myself.....

Life and all its pineapples

Well life is absolutely great at the moment. Ellie is just....i cant explain it shes to amazing. i love her. schools fucked as apparently im more of a dumbass then i gave myself credit for and failedd my exams so resitting them.....im strangely unhappy with myself and i dont know why. i have this amazing gf who thinks im amazing but these days im still majorly unhappy with who i am and i dont know why. i still cant bring myself to like myself......meh. anyway life is amazing. =)

Love it

well well long time since my last post. if i was gonna sum up everything since then it could be done with a simple name ''ellie goddard''.....wow....this girl....is amazing.....she really really is. Funny, Gorgeous, creative, random as hell =), makes me lol big time, understands my strange little thought tracks oh did i mention shes gorgeous....well just incase i didnt she is...very much so =p. Love her to pieces. anyway what elsse has happened....hmmm....well lots of work work and party party really. have become proper good friends with jordan naylor really sorted guy. Ummm bought my KC tickets...which will be amazing....with ellie =p and jordan XD gonna be great. well thats about it, bye all, loves. oh and ps Ellie is amazing just incase that didnt get across.

exstensivly confused

I am well and truely stuck here =p, right so theres this girl at school right...and i like her...shes funny, gorgeous, blunt its all brill but my Bestfriend(who has a gf) is always going on about how he has thoughts about her. now me and her have gotten kinda close but shes a boarder and itll be a hard relationship but i think shes worth it....but ill just be in constant fear of her and my bessie getting together before that point...and its all kinda screwed up cause id rather her and him where happy but then shes amazing and blargh all variations of what i just said.... its crazy man crazy.....and im ill which sucks to. =p

Well Well

well....since my last post...its been downward trend. Amber broke up with me, so yeah that sucked...never got the chance to tell her how much i liked her...was on the verge of telling her i loved her if im honest, but lifes a bitch like that....i could rant on all night about it but it was a week ago and i really probably should start getting over it....but hey a year and a half relationship....im allowed a short period of....sorrow about the end of it arnt i. Fuck it ima rant...the worst feeling of the whole thing is that i know she'll be over me before im over her....Bertie says its her lose....but thats not how i see it....after this her life can only really go up....u know no me so she can do whatever the hell she wants....whereas im just gonna brood over it for awhile....drown my sorrows at some point....rant to the nearest random equally drunk person....and then brood some more cause i can....its just really really crap...really crap....i wonder if she knows how crap i find it...probably not but oh well thats life right. Goodnight all, sweet dreams

I am

Right its been a loooong loong time since me last update and lots has happened since then that i can really be bothered to write about bar one thing, i am still with amber, and its ridiculous how happy that makes me but the strange thing is i'm afraid to tell her how happy it makes me..... what's up with that right.....i mean being with her is like well its just fantastically awesome im not saying that like she's my one and only cause come on im me and im 16 but right now at this very moment shes just.... the girl for me....i literally cant think of anyone i'd rather be with at this moment in time....i mean shes not perfect and saying that sounds dooshy but like if i thought she was perfect it be weird.....even when she complains like right now shes complaining about how crap england is and all i can do is smile cause im just happy to be with her and im scared that ill lose her at any moment.....fucked up thoughts man fucked up thoughts. but hey thats life right =p peace out