Hard times

Im finding it very very hard to be friends with my ex. i want to. i really really want to. but i just cant. i cant find anyway to feel that way about her. i cant just be friends..... =( i guess im going to have to get used to it. but i dont know how its gonna work. how do you be friends with someone you can only feel unconventional love for...i wish i knew the answer. but i dont =(. i guess it comes down to having her in my life and just gritting my teeth to keep it all inside or not have her in it at all. the latter i would rather not imagine...but i wonder if it would be easier.....even if it was i dont think id do it. she means to much.

wrong

There is something wrong with me, i am not well, and my mind is not healthy....and its starting to scare me. =(

Life Atm

Well life at the moment. guess i have nothing to complain about really. drugs, alchohol, friends, couldnt really ask for more. although i still want naomi. and im pretty determined,cause shes very worth it, but as i said i cant raelly complain. so i guess everythings not to bad for a change =p

FLAGWALE

sometimes it seems easier to just give up, but what if its worth it, and it still hurts. do you stick through it and take the pain, or do you save yourself and give up. It seems so worth it, so i'll continue to hurt.

Worried

Im worried im gonna fall into the same pit that i did before. and i dont want to be that again. thats all today

I cant do it

I just cant seem to do it. i cant keep everyone happy. no matter how hard i try i fuck up somewhere. ill mess up with one or another person. i dont get why i cant just focus on everyone. its annoying.....i can do it. i can make myself better again. ill make everyone happy if it kills me.

Bitter Sweet

Well everyone its been awhile. the best way to explain whats been going on is ''bitter sweet'' girl i loved. well and truely loved this time....didnt even doubt it....broke up with me so went on a week long booz binge which didnt help. put more effort in to trying to get her back than effort iv put into alot of things recently. Didnt go to well....havent got her back. still slightly heartbroke. and i dont think im gonna get over her for a long while. but.....id rather make her happy than carry on badgering her to get back with me. so were friends now =) and it hurts so much =( but....i just want her to be happy. haha ''i love you till the end'' by the pogues basically explains how i feel towards her.

Found a brilliant speech to sum everything up.

''There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.''

could of just posted that rather than anything else really =p mor dramatic. but oh well. Lets hope life takes an upwards turn again. this blogs very very upsy downsy.